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Sometimes i wish you'd be more understanding.

My best is never enough.

To you, i am just another replaceable dancer. To you, i am never good enough. To you, i am just someone incapable of doing anything right.

Yes, i know i dont have any talent in dancing. I dont have flexibility, i dont have strength, i learn slow, i cant use my emotions to dance, i make alot of mistakes. And yes, i know hongjun is a very talented dancer, he dances well and basically does a better job than me. BUT NO ONE WORKS HARDER THAN ME WHEN IT COMES TO DANCING I CAN BET WITH YOU. I got to the standard i am at now, all due to sheer hard work. I climbed out of the shithole because i worked so fucking hard to perfect my imperfections. I try my best at everything i do. SO WHO ARE YOU TO JUST TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR??

By telling him to learn my moves and take over me, what the fuck do you think i would feel?? So basically, from the beginning til now, all my work hard, all my extra effort put in, all the blood and sweat spent, all the energy i invested, so now they all go down the drain as if they never existed?? W o w thanks so much man. At that moment when you said those few words, my entire mood just went deep underground. I felt such a strong urge to just slam my prop onto the ground, pack up my bag and just leave.

Fine then, if you want it that way, hj can just replace me for all i care. Then i quit, i give up. Do whatever the fuck you want, i dont care anymore. Just take it that you have lost a student, because this student's soul for dance has been broken by your words. No more. Do what you want, i no longer give a fuck.

Solitude.

The way life appears to me. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that's how it is for me.

Believe it or not, the me a few years ago is totally different from the me today. What happened? Well to put it simply, life happened. Yes it's true, everyone faces obstacles in life. No one's life is ever easy or obstacle-free. But then again, some people's lives are harder than others. For me, i guess you can say that my life is overflowing with problems. Notice how i used the word overflowing. In fact, every single day is a challenge to me. My life is most probably 10x harder than any other 18 year old. I kid you not.

I mean, it ranges from depression and bad acad grades and very low self-esteem and retaining and not having many friends ((legit just a handful)) and just being that invisible and insignificant guy. There are so many more troubles i have but i'll spare you the agony of listing down everything. It's hard to live each day like this.

But i must confess, i have gotten used to this kind of lifestyle; a solitary one. Yes i am lonely most of the time, but i dont dislike being so. In fact, i enjoy my times of solitude. No i am not being emo and shit hahaha im serious! I am the guy who sits alone at a corner of a room full of people. I am the guy who very much prefers being alone in his room with a book cupped in both hands. I am the guy who would rather stay home alone all day every day than to go out and socialize or interact or whatever. I shun away from places with many people because people make me feel uncomfortable and tense. I wouldn't mind travelling long distances alone.

Afterall, i am very much used to this way of lifestyle. A lifestyle of solitude.

Revival?

Wow. It has been ages since i opened this app...too busy and too lazy, which pretty much explains my inactivity ((a really long time period too)) oops HAHAHA but fret not, i do have plans to start posting again! Thats if laziness doesnt get the better of me heh.
I've got a physics test tmr and i must say, physics is the bane of my existence. I mean like really, have i told you guys how much i hate physics???? If i havent, then now you know. I really really reaaally HATE PHYSICS WTFNSNSKSNSN -___- If time could turn back, i would N E V E R take physics. Seriously man, me and physics just not meant to be LOLOL

And henceforth, i am going to bed. Cos idgaf about physics anymore ((i probably still do but no)). Peace!