Remember.

If you've ever doubted yourself, walk deep into the forest.
Notice how the trees still stand tall;
even though they are given no recognition.
Walk along any stream;
the water still flows, though no one stops to praise it.
Watch the stars late at night;
they shine without acknowledgement.

Humans are just the same. We are made out of the same elements as these beautiful wonders. Always remember your beauty and self-worth.

.

"I am not happy. I am not unhappy. I am frozen somewhere in the middle that is so much worse. I am nowhere. Nothing is happening and i am getting more and more sad."

My eyes hurt because i can't sleep.
But i can't sleep because my head hurts from serious anxiety.
I'm a poet who can't write, an intellect who can't excel academically, i'm drowning in my own failures and i've never been good at asking for help.
I feel mentally claustrophobic and i don't know how, but right now i'd just like to relax.

That special someone who can.

You know what? Fuck the saying "no one will love you until you love yourself." That's bullshit. Loving yourself is fucking hard. You have to see your imperfections everyday and every night you have to deal with your own thoughts and your own skin.

Fuck that saying, because even if you totally hate yourself, someone can still find you breathtaking. They can want to fix you. Just because you dont love yourself, doesnt mean someone wont want to show you what there is to love. Even when you dont love yourself, someone can still show you how. That special someone can show you what there is to love about yourself.

In my shoes.

Every single day is like a battle. Because of certain decisions i've made, it led to many undesirable circumstances. And the only solution is for me to suck it up and keep silent. Because no one understands my pain, no one understands what i go through each day. These few days gave me a taste of what life would be like for the rest of my days.

People come to me to say words of comfort. Meaningless words of comfort. Because all they say, is how good it can actually be. But in actual fact, if they were given the choice, they wouldnt do the same as what i did. They wouldnt be in my shoes even if they had a choice.

Here i am, surrounded by people i know almost nothing about. And all i can only do, is to see the people i once called my friends, drift away from me. Everyone's moving forward. I'm stuck at the same spot. Soon, i'll be left behind and forgotten. It hurts to see your friends walk away. It hurts to see other people who dont understand, look at me with those piercing eyes. Those eyes that judge me and constantly jab at my self esteem. Its unavoidable and inevitable.

I just wish i can find back the strength to overcome all these obstacles. I wish i can ignore others. I wish i can be more confident with myself. I wish i didnt have such low self esteem. I wish i could be better. I wish i can be strong.

Without timekeeping.

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can't. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or in your house. You have a schedule, a calendar, an appointment, a time for dinner or a movie or whatever.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check his watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And because of this, Man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

Society.

We blame society, yet we fail to realise that each and every one of us makes up society.
Everyone should realize that we are each living, breathing human beings; all with our own struggles.
We all go home and stare at the mirror wishing we could be someone different.
We all struggle to find our place in this world.
We. All. Have. Our. Own. Struggles.
So why go out of your day to make someone else's worse, when you can simply move on with your life, or even better, help someone else out for a change.
Because, you see, if you live in a world where everyone blames society, you might as well blame yourself.
Because you are a part of society too.

Stories.

Everyone has their own story. Behind every smile and every frown, behind every thought and every decision, lies a story. There is a reason behind everything that they do. So before you judge their actions, make sure you know their life first. Otherwise, do not judge them, because i am sure your life isnt perfect too.

Throughout the past few days, i've realised many things about the people around me; about my friends. Firstly, it isnt easy to know about the story behind your friend, and trust me, not all stories are nice. I know a few of them and sometimes, i cant help but feel sad. I mean, my life is bad but its nothing compared to the lives that my friends lives.

Everyone has their own story. I find it my duty to help in whatever way possible, be it family issues or inner demons. I just want to help my friends. Dont ask me why, its just my nature.

So anyways, do not judge other so easily because you may not know whats happening in their life. Afterall, there is a reason for everything, and a reason for every action.

Be your hero.

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Or would you run and never look back?
Would you cry if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul tonight?
Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Or would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this.
Now would you die for the one you love?
Oh hold me in your arms tonight.

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine
Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?
I don't care. You're here tonight

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

I don't wanna miss a thing.

I could stay awake just to hear your breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
And just stay here lost in this moment forever
And every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure.

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
Just stay in this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Maybe sad.

Maybe i'm a little sad.
Sometimes it's too hard to smile.
Sometimes there's nothing to smile about.
What do you do when everyone is moving and you just can't?
I'm stuck.
I don't know what to do.
And you know what?
I don't think i'll ever know what to do.
Sonetimes it's just easier to hide under my covers and ignore everyone.
Sometimes i even ignore myself.
Do you know that was possible?
Because it is.
It's one if my talents.
Ignoring myself.
Maybe i'm a little more than just 'sad'.

Word.

"I can't take it anymore. this question has bugged me for far too long. I am hoping that someone can provide a reasonable answer. Why is it that RV is so against BGRs? I can understand that perhaps it is true that Y1 to Y4 students are not quite matured to handle BGRs, but Y5 and Y6? I tried to find any sociological, psychological, ethnographical, whatever-ical study that conclusive proves that BGRs at the ages of 16 to 18 (inclusive) is detrimental to the person's development. I couldn't find any. At all. All I found are general claims and assertions without any scientific and statistical backing.

But this is what I do know. I have friends in RI(JC) who are couples. I have friends in HCI who are couples. I have friends in Dunman High who are couples. Some are still in those schools, some have graduated. By and large, they are doing/did well for studies. Yes, even those who broke up before taking their A-Levels. In fact, some actually did better AFTER they got together. And I even know of a few couples who got together in JC, stayed together through NS, uni, getting jobs etc etc and then got married. For those who say that those are the exceptions to the rule, I challenge you to prove it with statistical significance. I doubt anyone can.

And if you look at schools which doesn't clamp down on BGRs the way RV does, eg RI(JC), HCI, NJC, VJC, and perhaps even Dunman High and compare the A-Level results of their students and their students performance in other areas with RV, I'm sure you won't be able to attribute any difference to their policy on BGRs amongst their students aged 16+ to 18+.

Also, shouldn't we trust that RVians have grown and matured enough after 4 years in RV to be able to have a somewhat proper romantic relationship with someone of the opposite gender? But if that's not the case, if we can't trust RVians to have grown up and matured enough after 4 years in RV to do so, then it really begs the question, what have the teachers been doing? Isn't it the duty of teachers and the school to prepare students for life (and not just the A-Levels)? Isn't being able to have a proper romantic relationship part of life? So if even after 4 years in RV, teachers don't trust RVians to be matured enough to have a proper BGR, doesn't that just reflect really badly on the teachers themselves, that they don't trust that they have done a good job?

So, if
(a) there aren't any scientific proof that BGRs from the ages of 16 to 18 have significant adverse effect on the education and development of students.

And
(b) RV teachers probably have done an alright job in inculcating values and providing pastoral guidance to RVians, then, shouldn't the school adopt a light touch on BGRs? Not saying that RV should encourage BGRs, but perhaps just inform parents (and let the parents decide. If the parents approve of the relationship, hey... who's the school to say no?), provide some advice, warn of any actions that may lead to really undesirable consequences and counsel further as and when necessary. Why such a heavy hand?"

I need your love- Calvin Harris

I need your love
I need your time
When everything's wrong
You make it right
I feel so high
I come alive
I need to be free with you tonight

Hinder.

Dreams cannot become reality if reality hinders dreams.

Can i be the One

"Can i be the one?

The one that's constantly on your mind. That one person you would always reply fast to. The one your friends hear about everyday. The one you check up on every once in a while just to see how his day went. The one that makes your day, the one you'd do anything for. The one you smile non-stop about. The one you can be your conplete self around. The one you love more than anything."

Disappear.

Sometimes i wonder just how important i am to others. Maybe i should play a game, a sad and horrible game.  Maybe i should disappear, just for a little while. Maybe i should....i want to know who are the people who really care and will notice my absence. Maybe no one will care. Maybe no one will even realise. Maybe i am just that insignificant and invisible. Maybe.

Sparks fly.

Drop everything now,
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk,
Take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile

The best of little things.

Nobody ever appreciates the little things anymore.

The little things that make us feel amazing,

Like walking on warm grass during summer,

Or when you wake up at 3:00 am and still have many more hours to sleep,

Or when you put on warm jeans that have just came out of the dryer.

But the best feeling would be falling asleep in your arms at night,
Knowing that for the first time
Everything will be alright.

Right next to you.

You've got that smile
That only heaven can make
I pray to god everyday
That you keep that smile

You are my dream
There's not a thing I wont do
I'll give my life up for you
'Cause you are my dream.

And baby everything that I have is yours
You will never go cold or hungry
I'll be there when you're insecure
Let you know that your always lovely girl
'Cause you are the only thing that I got right now

One day when the sky is falling
I'll be standing right next to you
Nothing will ever come between us
'Cause I'll be standing right next to you.

Loneliness. Do i really matter?

Loneliness. What a sad feeling it is; to be forgotten, to be replaced, to be abandoned. It's a fucking sad feeling. And sometimes i feel that my existence is completely meaningless.

Nobody cares. People say they do. But for how long? If i died, who would care? Yeah people will be sad and mourn, maybe. But after a few months or years, people will gradually forget about you. Or maybe it's just me. I'm not a very popular guy. I'm not even categorised as your average joe. I am just another somebody, i am not worth mentioning, i am not worth existing.

Yeah people say that they care. Mostly empty words. Prove it then, prove that you really care (not with words but with actions), prove that i am worth it, prove that i am not just another guy. Am i really that replaceable? Am i really nobody special? Ask yourselves this: who am i to you. Then prove it. Way too many people have made empty promises and said meaningless words of comfort ad assurance. Prove that you arent lying, prove that you really care. Otherwise, you'd just be the same as the rest, saying empty things and making empty promises. Afterall, all of us never want to experience the feeling of loneliness.

Fake people, liars, backstabbers...there are just way too many of such people. I never want to be one, and i'm hoping no one will. Until then, i guess all that i am is just lonely. Lost, and waiting to be found.

Why can't people be more...understanding(?) I mean. I am willing to sacrifice so much for my friends, even for those i barely know. I always go the extra mile, take risks, sacrifice my all. Yet, why cant people do the same back for me, even if its just a little bit. Cmon. Am i really that insignificant? Am i really a nobody, such that people think they dont have to care about me; about how i feel?

Sometimes i just wish people can step in my shoes and look at things through my perspective. Everything i say, everything i do, the decisions i make, there are always reasons. Its just that most people dont understand, and they judge. Before you do that, pls step in my shoes. Maybe then, you're understand me better. Yep. I just wish people would see things through my perspective. I wish i mattered.

Youth.

Youth, as they say, is precious time. Once gone, never will return.

I guess you could say, most of us are wasting our precious youth away. Youth is the period when we should be carefree, be happy, do anything we want to, live life with no restrictions. Youth is the time when we can do whatever we want. It is the time when we can avoid getting judged by people, with the simple reason being "We are still young".

What are we doing with our life right now? Why are we fighting so hard to stay at the top, when being at the bottom isnt that bad either? When will all these mad struggle end? Who are we and what is our purpose? Where is this going? From a normal person's perspective, i guess they would say the politically correct stuff like. Oh its for our future, our career, to earn money, to be happier. Please. Quit saying the stuff society wants you to say. So many of us are puppets. So few are originals.

Shall continue this soon. But here's a quote to get you thinking:

Many of us simply exist. But how many actually live?

If I.

If I walk, would you run
If I stop, would you come
If I say you're the one, would you believe me
If I ask you to stay, would you show me the way
Tell me what to say, so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to us
But I'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart, would you just play the part, or tell me it's the start of something beautiful
Am i catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreams
But I'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough
I will try for your love
I can hide up above
If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one, would you believe me

Happiness?

Happiness:
The state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

In our current era; the technological age, it is getting increasingly harder to be happy. I'm not talking about smiling and laughing and all those surface emotions. To be truly happy, lies within the heart.

Stress level is high, expectations have become improbable, people are getting mysterious, obstacles are too many too great, time is always too short etc etc. Most of the time, we are busy with things in life. We are always busy with work, busy with school, busy with tests, busy with projects, busy with materials of the world. But we never seem to have time to rest. We have been so caught up with all these things of life, that we forgot about the internal side of us. We lose our true selves in this mass flurry of expectations and competition.

Ask yourself this. When was the last time you felt truly happy; that warm fuzzy feeling inside your heart; that indescribable feeling. Maybe some of us felt it recently, well then good for you :). But some of us have not experienced this for a very long time. And this is actually a very sad thing. I've seen many people lose sleep because they had to rush to complete homework and projects. And they get irritated easily because of the lack of sleep. And the thing is, you hardly see these people smile. Its sad to see this. It feels as if the people around me are slowly forgetting how to be happy again. The mood is always gloomy and all they ever think about and stress about are their studies and results and work and all that. It is unhealthy. It is bad. And the worst of all is that these people are also affecting the people around. Very soon our world will be devoid of happiness, and no i dont want to live in a gloomy world.

Sometimes we have to take a break. A break from all these worldly things. We must becareful not to lose our true selves while we are chasing our own goals and dreams. Do not fall too deep, or else it will be harder to get back out.

Quote.

“Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

-Steve Jobs.-

Live life. :)

Life is crazy, 
and totally unpredictable...
It's going to push you over,
kick you while you're down
and hit you when you try to get back up.

Not everything can beat you.
Things are going to change you.
But you get to choose which ones you let change you.
Listen to your heart,
Follow your dreams,
And let no one tell you what you're capable of.

Push the limits,
Bend the rules,
And enjoy every minute of it.
Laugh at everything,
Live for as long as you can.
Love all,
But trust none.
Believe in yourself,
And never lose faith in others
Settle for nothing but only the best,
And give 110% in everything you do.

Take risks,
Live on the edge,
Yet stay safe,
And cherish every moment of it.
Life is a gift,
Appreciate all the rewards,
And jump on every opportunity.
Not everyone's going to love you
But who needs them anyways.

Challenge everything,
And fight for what you believe.
Back down to nothing,
But give in to the little things in life,
After all, that is what makes you.
Forget the unnecessary, 
But remember everything,
Bring it with you everywhere you go.

Learn something new,
And appreciate criticism.
Hate nothing,
But dislike what you want.
Never forget where you came from,
And always remember where you are going.

Live life to its fullest,
And have a reason for everything,
Even if it's totally insane.
Find your purpose in life,
and live it!

A failure.

I am a failure. Failure in life, failure in everything. Most of you, infact all of you, dont know me and my deep and dark thoughts. Most of you dont know what goes on in my mind. Many of you will probably have the impression of me as a happy-go-lucky, cheerful and lame guy. But i guess looks can be deceiving.

Yes i am a guy. (Durh.) And theoretically speaking, guys should be more manly, more muscular, more of like what guys basically are. Well, i am somewhat the opposite. Yeah dont judge please. I know i am a weakling. Let me list it all down.

Firstly, guys are supposed to be very fit and all, stamina and strength-wise. I mean, most people would picture guys running around the track at a very fast pace with ease. But for me, my stamina sucks shit. And i'm not even lying. I can't even run two full rounds around the track. Again, please dont judge. If you want to judge, go away please T^T But yeah. I have no freaking stamina. I feel so inferior to all the other guys because i am always the last. I am such a failure.

Guys are supposedly manly and...rough i guess. Idontknow how to put it. But yeah, most guys will start looking for chiobus in other schools when given the chance. Search For Chio Bu Operation, SFCBO in short. I mean, yeah it is normal for guys to notice chio girls and all. But i guess that makes me an exception. I tend to look for guys and admire them (their dancing skills and stuff). And NO i am not freaking gay lol, i have a girl alrd :P but the point is, most guys think i'm weird. Because...i dont fit it well with them. Maybe because i am less of a guy. Idk. Maybe thats why i feel lonely even when there are people around. Maybe thats why i cant really bond well with my batch guys dancers. I mean, i just dont fit it. They are a bunch of cool dudes with high sense of humor and wit. Unlike me. I guess i am just a failure.

This happened in cca yesterday. During the all-guys dance pract. We learnt how to forward roll as basics, then we learnt how to do a dive roll (jump from a high place and land with a roll). It's like, all of us guys all start from the basics. But in the end, everyone manages to progress. Everyone except me. What makes me so different from them? I mean. I just dont get it. It made me so freaking frustrated. I personally saw my dance friends and juniors learning and improving and progressing. I was just stuck. I couldnt progress. I just couldnt. Probably because my freakishly long arms impeded my progress. But whatever, i felt lile a complete failure.

There are so many things that are seriously making me so dam frustrated. And all these things led to me feeling like a failure. Trust me, it isnt a nice feeling at all.

I hate it when sometimes, my best just isn't good enough.

The guy with the mask.

I smile, I laugh, I joke around
but my feelings no one has ever found
they see me everyday with a smile on my face
but when I get back to this place
I feel as if it's my own hell
as if I'm locked in a cell
the tears run down my face
I sit in my room quiet and wondering
if anyone sees the pain I feel
and how it's oh so real
another day comes as I put on my mask and hide
no one sees the pain I feel inside
I laugh and I smile
but inside I'm sad
I wish someone could see
I get back to this place I call hell
where it all began and where I fell
I take off my mask but I'm still all alone
and it kills me that no one will ever know
I wish I could be the guy that people think they really see.

I’m the guy, who hides behind a smile everyday.
I’m the guy, who has a tough exterior.But that’s not who I really am.
I’m the guy, who has a lot of problems, but doesn’t share one thing.
I’m the guy, who keeps everything bottled up.
Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. 
Someone to care about me.
Someone to listen to my problems.
Someone to hold me when I'm sad.
Someone to love me.
Nobody knows the real me.
Nobody knows what I go through everyday.
Nobody knows what I have to do just to make it through the day.
Nobody knows that I’m the guy who isn’t who I say I am.
And I’m the guy who is just invisible.

No one.

No one will ever understand the pain that i am going through. All these emotions. All these dark thoughts. All the tears i've cried every night. Yeah guys cry too, because they have feelings. Or maybe its just cause i am weak.

I've never felt so alone in my life before. Who can ever understand how i feel rn? Who can ever understand the pain? It's killing me, literally. And everyday i'm just struggling to survive, struggling to stay afloat. Fuck. Why doesn't anyone spare a thought for me?! Why? I'm just so fucking insignificant. I am invisible. Yeah. If i disappeared, no one would care. I mean. Who actually notices the little things i do? I sacrificed so much. Yet no one is willing to do the same back. What the fuck am i even doing. Why do i even care so much.

No one can understand how i feel. Everything is in a mess. LIFE. WHY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME. ISNT ALL THESE ENOUGH?! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?? Why. Tell me why. Thanks to you, i am broken. I am lost. I am dead.

I am sick and tired of life. I am fed-up. Enough is enough. Why dont you just fucking take my life then, since you simply love taking away all that is mine. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of caring. No one even notices the sacrifices i've made. And no one is willing to make sacrifices for me too. As if life wasnt miserable enough, more fucktards decide to come and make things worse.

Let's evaluate things, shall we? Purpose in life: none. Direction in life: none. Flaws: everything. Goodpoints: useless anyways. No one cares. If you really do care, then you would dare to sacrifice just for me. I mean, I did. I sacrificed for everyone. I always do. Im always the one giving in, always the one silently helping, always the one sacrificing. Im tired. Im tired of all these shit. No one understands me. No one ever bothers to sacrifice. No one truly cares.

Let's not say goodbye. Instead, goodnight.

Books.

I am someone who loves reading. Books of stories with interesting plots and storyline. My favourite genre? Romance. (Don't judge.)

Idontknow. Romance seems to interest me. I find romance really intriuging. And there is this special thing about books. Once you get engrossed in it, it feels like you are being sucked into the world in the book. When i read, i feel as if i am IN the story. Its really cool and fun :) and whenever i read, time seems to stand still.

Books never cease to amaze me. I love reading. Always have, always will :) I guess its because sometimes i just want to escape reality and enter the fantasy world in books.

Books are more than just pages of words. They are life.

Disclaimer.

This is a disclaimer. This blog contains segments of emo-ness, weirdness and illogical stuff. All of which are my personal thoughts and opinions. You may agree or disagree to them, its up to you. But if you hate me or dislike what i blog about, then please kindly close this window and NOT read. If you are going to read my posts and judge me, then please go away too. This is an outlet for me to release all of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Do not judge me, because i am only human, just like all of you.

Lost.

To be honest, i seem to have lost my direction in life. I mean, nothing seems to make sense anymore, nothing seems to be worth anything anymore. I don't see a purpose in life.

Yeah i used to be happy. And i still want to be. But...it has become increasingly harder to be happy. Life has become dull, and boring, andand...dark. It's like, everywhere i go, its just feels so sian and dull. There isn't any motivation. No purpose. No direction.

I need to find my direction in life again.

A story.

Something i read. A story about a girl and a guy, and depression. Tragic and sad, yet so very true and relavant to my life:

I'm going to tell you a story. I knew this boy. His name was Dustin. We met when i was 13 and he was 14. We went to school together, we clicked on pretty much everything, he was really my best friend. I loved this boy like no other, we were together 24/7 and knew everything there was to know about one another. We spoke often of depression, both dealing with it, we shared stories of wanting to take our lives on more than one occasion. Not thinking he would do it, i shrugged it off. During the summer of 2006, i had planned on going to Texas.

The last day of school he was absent, he walked to the school to see me home. He looked into my eyes with a fear i would never forget, and he said "I need you here. Please don't go." I was selfish and said "Dude, i'll be back in a month, you'll be okay." And i walked away. A month later, i got a call that he had hung himself. His note read "No one cared enough to stay."

I literally felt my heart break. I loved him so much. More than i could ever put into words. At his funeral, there were over 200 people. He thought no one cared. I saw people shaking, crying, screaming, begging and pleading for him to come back. He thought no one cared. Everyone cared. It sucks that sometimes people have to be taken away from us in order to appreciate them, but it happens. People in those moments show how much they care. This boy wanted to die, and i understood because i did too.

Depression isn't anything that can be fixed overnight, especially by death. When you want to kill yourself, you really think no one would care, but in reality they do. I'm asking you to stay, because i care. I care about your life, your goals, your happiness, your sadness. I care that you get better because you deserve to be happy. It's a right. As do others. Death isn't a solution. Not now, not ever.

Don't ever take the people around you for granted. And never stop showing care for them. Because if you don't, it might be too late.

In my shoes.

Disclaimer: This post contains high level of emo-ness. If you do not wish to read sad stuff, or if you do not want to read a lengthy post, then i suggest you turn around and leave. But if you truly care, and you really want to know more about me, and you won't judge me, then please continue.

Who am i kidding. I am useless. I am weak. I am emotional. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am perfectly imperfect. Who would actually care about my existence. Like, honestly. I mean, from the ways things are going on in my life right now, i would say nothing is going smoothly, nothing is going right.

Everything that i do, i think for everyone else. I care about their opinions. I'm afraid they might have a misconception. I'm afraid they will think wrongly. I tend to read people's emotions and i do my best to change myself to suit everyone else. Maybe so that i can fit in. But i guess, everything has been self delusional.

Who am i kidding. I dont fit in here. I dont belong here. I am weird. I am different. And yeah. Sometimes being the guy who keeps giving, it gets tiring. And i am tired. Tired of trying to fit in. Tired of helping people. Tired of sacrificing my all for others. Tired of acting like a hero. Tired of giving in. Tired of people. Tired of living. Tired of life. And lastly, tired of being tired. Why cant people step in my shoes? Just for once. Why cant people understand how i feel. Why cant anyone just care about how i would feel. Why cant anyone just help me. Why cant they feel me. Why. No one bothers to understand me. No one bothers to ask how i would actually feel. No one bothers to care. And yeah. I feel lonely. More than ever.

It seems like no matter how much effort i put in, and how much i've tried, my best is never enough. I give up. What the fuck do you want from me? My life right now is alrd in a bad state. Tell me. What do you want from me?! Why do you have to do this to me?! Every single one of you. Life. Tell me why. They say everyone has their flaws and strengths. I am full.of flaws. My only strengths aren't even worth mentioning, since they don't do any shit anyways.

Lies. I am so sick and tired of lies. STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME. I hate lies the most. I have had enough okay. Enough is enough. Any more, and you might as well take my life. There isnt much left of it anyways. Stop making things hard for me. Give me a break from all these bullshit.

Don't bother telling me how great i am. Because i all know is that i have always been in the shadows of others. I was never meant to surpass them. I was just a figurehead. A puppet. A puppet of life. I am completely useless. Everyone would do just fine without me. Pfft. I am not needed anymore i guess. Whats the point of me being here anyways. There is none.

Everything around me is a blur. My head hurts. So much stuff has happened. My mind can't handle all these. If anyone were to really care about me, then they would think about how i would feel before doing something. They would truly care about me, and my feelings.

Everyone is guilty of this. But i guess it doesn't matter anymore. I will never be important. I will always remain as a second choice; an option, never a priority. And, to you i am just somebody to fill in the gaps. I am just somebody unimportant. I feel so manipulated. I feel so powerless. I feel so hurt. If you have no idea what hell is like, then step in my shoes. Welcome to my life.

I just wish that people would care about how i feel and care about me and understand me.

Age.

Age. Does it just mean how old we are? Or are there deeper meanings to it? Age. It tells many things, and sometimes not always the truth. In society, there are so many misconceptions as to the word "age". So many false logics and beliefs.

Maturity. Does it mean the older we are, the more mature we are? No. Not necessarily true. I know many people who are relatively older, and yet their maturity level is beneath that of someone younger. The way these people act or talk are just so immature.

Friends. Who ever said older people cannot make friends with younger people? And who ever fucking related this to pedo?! I mean. Just because i hang out with my juniors, does that really mean i'm a pedo?! Fuck that logic. Pedo refers to a HUGE age gap, not just 2 or 3 years. So for all you people who like to link this to being pedo, go fuck yourself.

Love. Love has no boundaries. Not even age. So, its normal for an older guy to be together with someone abit younger. And if a younger guy likes an older girl, why not? There isnt an age limit to love. No one ever said that, oh you have to be of blablabla age to be with blablabla. Its perfectly normal. There are many definitions of love, all different and unique in their own ways. But in all of these definitions, age is never in them.

Common sense. Most adults think that, oh we are just kids, we wont understand stuff, or we just arent mature enough. Well, go bang the wall and just die. There are so many adults in this world who have pathetically low common sense. And yet, they still think they are superior to kids. Wake up people. Welcome to the 21st century. Most kids nowadays have more common sense than many adults. So who says age can define our level of common sense?

Stop the misconception that age defines everything. Because it doesn't.

Things i dislike/hate.

Hate is a strong word. But sometimes, i really have to use this word. In a couple of situations and stuff. Hmm. Let's list it all down.

-I hate it when smart people keep saying that they are going to fail their test, but end up getting top scores.
-I hate people who are dishonest.
-I hate people who break my trust.
-I hate people who are proud and egoistic.
-I hate it when people insult others.
-I hate people who cheat on relationships.
-I hate people who break other people's relationships.
-I hate liars.
-I hate players.
-I hate rude and disrespectful people.
-I hate it when someone acts like they are tough and unbeatable.
-I hate it when people keep interrupting in the middle of a conversation.
-I hate people who pretend to be friends, but backstab you while you are unaware.
-I hate people who take what is mine.
-I hate it when my phone runs out of battery at the wrong times.
-I dislike it when nothing goes according to plan.
-I hate it when i always try hard for a test, but ends up getting crappy results.
-I hate getting wronged.
-I hate taking the blame for something i didn't do.
-I hate my overthinkingness, my insecurities, my jealousy.
-I dislike my over-caringness, sometimes.
-I hate it when people ignore me.
-I hate it when life keeps on throwing obstacles at me. And i always do my best to make it right, but it is never enough.
-I hate it when my best isnt good enough.
-I hate my moodswings.
-I hate my ability to take everything to heart.
-I dislike me for always being so hard on myself.
-I dislike it when i try so hard for others, but they dont do the same.
-I hate myself for thinking so much.
-I dislike people who give up so easily without even trying.

The list can go on and on. I guess there are really a lot of things that i dont like. Hmph. But i am only human.

Just because there are many things i dislike, doesn't mean there is nothing i like.

Sometimes, i hate myself.

Offer.

To tell you the truth, i don't have much to offer. But i'll still give you everything i've got, even if it's barely anything at all. I'll give you late thoughts, long hugs, someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone who will always be here for you, a hand to hold, somebody to lean on. And if that's not enough, just know that you have all of me. And you have someone who will not give up on you, someone who truly cares for you, someone who may not be perfect, but is most definitely worth it. You have this special someone that no one else can have.

I don't have much to offer, but still, i offer my all to you.

Just me.

Me. Complicated. Ridiculous. Insignificant. Retarded. Random. Insecure. Overthinking. My flaws. Everyone has them. Can't avoid them.

I am always hard on myself. I blame no one but me. Because i believe, if i take the blame, no one else should have to. Because i believe, that i wont be left alone if i do. Because i believe, that no matter what happens, its always my fault. Why. Why am i so hard on myself. I don't know.

Maybe i should treat myself better.
Maybe i should have more faith in myself.
Maybe i should trust myself more.
Maybe i have to believe, harder.

Why.

Why. There are so many questions racing through my head. And honestly, i have no idea what the answer to these questions are. I guess they are meant to remain anonymous, arbitrary, for now.

-If we are all born into this earth for a reason, then why do we have to die?
-Who actually sets the basic rules? Who actually gets to decide whether this is wrong or right?
-Who decided that men must wear suits and ties, and women must wear skirts or dresses?
-Who named the seven colours?
-If the brain was the master control of all our body parts, then did it name itself 'the brain'?
-Why do people all like to chase after a career so badly?! I mean, i know it is to make more money. But more money doesnt make you happy. Infact, having more money gives you the stress to try to maintain it.
-Why is society so stressful right now?
-What if a kid dreamed to become something other than what society had intended? What if a kid aspired to be something greater?
-Why are humans all so complicated?
-How is it possible that such a small brain can store information of a lifetime?
-We believe what we are told. Yet, we hear from other human beings. And there is one thing i know, and that is that humans make mistakes. Because we are not perfect. So, can we really believe everything that others say?
-Every single day, we people are competing with one another, fighting against one another. But in order for mankind to succeed, to improve, shouldnt we fight together with one another instead of against each other?
-Who actually decided for the world to be just like this one right now?
-Humans have the power to change the world. Yet on the quest to help mankind, we are actually destroying our own planet. Why doesnt anyone see this?
-What makes humans tick?
-What if the world itself was an illusion?
-What if we are just ghosts of our past? And we are actually from the future, just living our life as memories in the past?
-What lies in the future?
-What is life?

I may never find out the answers to these questions. But one thing is for sure. All i have to do live my life to the fullest extent right now. Slowly but surely, some of the answers to these questions might just become known.

Maybe i have to stop thinking so much.

Learn to fly. :)

Switch on the sky and the stars glow for you.
Go see the world 'cause it's all so brand new.
Don't close your eyes because your future's ready to shine.
It's just a moment of time, before we learn how to fly.
Look all around at the mountains we haven't climbed.
It's just a moment of time, before we learn how to fly.

The above are song lyrics. And the bolded part is a particular part that struck out to me most. I suddenly remembered. Eagles learn to fly by one of the harshest ways ever. They will jump off the top of a mountain and flap their wings incessantly and desperately until they are able to fly. But, during this process, they will crash and injure themselves every time they fail. Yet they do not give up. Even with a body full of injuries, they continue to try and try until they succeed.

Then again, i realise that this could be applied to us humans as well, with the same concept. We will face obstacles. We will face challenges. We will face failures. But the important thing is to never give up and keep on trying. It is normal to fail. Failure is a part of life. But through failure, we are able to learn from our mistakes and alter ourselves to do even better. Just like how those birds kept on trying, we just have to persevere and keep doing our best. One day, we WILL succeed.

Look all around at the mountains we haven't climbed. Look at all the obstacles that we have not faced yet. Once we go through everything, be it failure or depression or stress, we will succeed soon. We will make it. We will become even harder, better, faster, stronger. So to everyone out there. If you think that right now, life isnt going too smoothly for you, fret not. Success is just reaching our doorsteps. Persevere a while longer, and trust me. It will be worthwhile. :)

Life is like a bow. Obstacles and difficulties pull you back, but it just means that you are going to be propelled further forward, into success.
If life isn't going too well for you right now, just remember. The airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
Only in the darkness, you are able to see the stars.
Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

Don't give up. Because there is always light at the end of a tunnel. Hope will always be present. We just have to look deep.

Nice guys.

I have always been hearing this phrase: "Nice guys finish Last." And i am wondering if this is true, or not. I mean, it seems kinda true, to a certain extent. Nice guys always tend to be....invisible. Always the people at the back of the entire process, silently supporting everyone else and helping out. These are the guys who dont ask for anything in return. They are just born this way. To give and never receive.

But ofcourse, always giving and helping and all...it gets tiring. Especially when no one seems to notice. And no one seems to care. In fact, so many people have actually taken these nice guys for granted. And sometimes, i wonder, do people actually notice all the little things that these nice guys have done for us? Or is it all just invisible?

In our every day lives, nice guys can be found. You just have to look harder.
Nice guys are the kind of people who would lend you anything if you need them.
Nice guys are the kind of people who would sacrifice themselves for their friends.
Nice guys are those who look out for their friends silently and protectively.
Nice guys are the people who volunteerily help look after your stuff while you're gone.
Nice guys are those who would take the blame on your behalf.
Nice guys are the type of people who would buy food or snacks for you if they knows that you have not eaten.
Nice guys are those who care more about your opinions than their own.
Nice guys would rather you be happy than them. They value other people's happiness over their own.
Nice guys wait for you, no matter how long it takes.
Nice guys tolerate every single crap that you can come up with, without making a single word of complaint.
Nice guys worry about friends and their safety, and they always watch your backs.
And the list goes on and on

But don't you see? Nice guys are humans too. Sometimes, they also want to be cared for as well. Some of them long to be treated the way that they treat others. It never happens though.

I mean, everyone knows about neilarmstrong, the first guy to step on the moon. But who knows about his helpers? His partners? No one. Because everyone only notices and cares about the outsider hero. And no one realises the heroes on the inside. This has no link to nice guys, but i just wanted to say, most successful people have friends who are nice people and support them to reach the top. No one will notice them. No one will give any recognition for them. But they are always here with us, supporting us in whatever way they can.

Take a look around. Nice guys are always in our lives, we just have to know their importance and we will see them. Do not ever take them for granted. Because without them, we would be nothing. Appreciate whatever they have done for you. And return the favour. They want to be cared about as well.

So appreciate and treasure these nice guys. Because all that they do, they do it for us. And don't take them for granted. Because the world might run out of such people soon.

I guess i am one of those people.

The man in the mirror.

Always keep the ball in the middle of the court.
And don't for a second let that little voice in your mind speak if all it wants to say is "What If".
I know we all come from different walks of life.
Maybe you had a mum and dad that gave you everything.
Maybe you had a mum and dad that gave you nothing.
Or maybe you had a mum and dad that weren't even there for you.
Regardless on how you were brought up, doesn't make you better, stronger or weaker than anybody else.
Call yourself out on your own imperfections.
It's a good way to start improving your faults.
And if it's something that can't be fixed, make a joke out of it.
Because in the end,
It's who you are.
That is attractive when people are realistic, especially with themselves.

Protect the word "Love"
For when you actually do use it, it will mean more than ever before.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Find out what it really means to you.
Because when you do, you will look at everyone differently.
We are all equal no matter what god you believe in.
Don't brag about how successful you are.
For the most successful people i know today,
Are the ones that rarely use the word "I".

Dance when you hear music.
Nothing should stop you if you're being overtaken by the spirit of song.

Take pictures.
Lots and lots of pictures.

Being annoying is annoying. So don't be annoying.

Failure.
Can't dodge it, it's just a part of life.
Whether you failed a test, failed at work, or failed with your heart.
At least you can say, 
You took the test, you have a career, and you've been in love.
Because somewhere in the middle of wherever,
Is a person, where everything i just described, is nothing but an image they can only enjoy in their sleep.

Listen to music.
Lose yourself in the music. The moment you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow.

So in this case, always be prepared.
Now we want a photo, you already know though, you only live once, that's the motto, Y.O.L.O.
I guess for some, taking a picture deserves the word Y.O.L.O.
As for me, I'll take it as Live every moment as if it's your last.
And if you start at the bottom, and you wanna get there.
Just remember.

It all starts with the man in the mirror.

Live, Laugh, Love.

A sudden thought. Or should i say, a small realization.

Life is...unpredictable. Anything can happen in a blink of an eye. I don't know what made me think this way, but i guess it just a sudden thought. Or maybe because of that car accident nightmare, but whatever. So why waste our time on this planet?

Live. We have got to live each and every day as if it were our last. We have to live without any regrets. Because a life full of regrets is a life not worth living for. So lets live our lives. Do whatever makes us happy, and not whatever the world wants us to do. Because this is our life, our fight. The world can take away our everything, but it can't take away our soul.

Laugh. Be happy. Enjoy the good times. Laughing is a way of showing that you are really happy. It never lies. Be free and laugh and have fun. Because we will never know when our laughter will cease to exist. Laughter is the best medicine. It always helps whenever we are feeling down or lonely or emo. Laugh more, and smile more.

Love. Love like you've never loved before. When in love, give it your all. Treasure each other, enjoy the good times together, take many photos, be happy together, go through tough times together, accept each other's flaws, love only one. A heart that loves is a young heart. Treasure who you love. Because you'll never know a good thing til its gone. Always treat him/her as a priority, and not an option. Care for him/her, and dont ignore or throw them to one side. Trust each other and be together as one, in mind, heart and soul. Love truly and wholeheartedly.

Live, Laugh, Love. The three essentials of life.

My mirror.

Cause i don't wanna lose you now,
I'm looking right at the other half of me.
The vacancy that sat in my heart,
Is a space that now you hold.
Show me how to fight for now,
And i'll tell you baby, it was easy
Coming back into you once i figured it out,
You were right here all along.
It's like you're my mirror,
My mirror staring back at me.
I couldn't get any bigger,
With anyone else beside of me.
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one.
Cause you're like my mirror,
My mirror staring back at me.~

Nightmare.

It had been awhile since i've had a nightmare. To be honest, nightmares are scary. They always seem so vivid. They almost seem real.

I had this nightmare. Of me. Myself. In an accident. Involving a car. I can still remember it vividly in my head. The colour of the car. The impact. The feeling of a heavy object smashing into my legs at full force. The feeling of my bones all breaking. I can imagine it all. I still remember...i was told i wasnt going to live for long.

I woke up in sweat. My legs felt cramped and numb at that time. I was panting. It all felt so...real. but the main takeaway was regret. Yes. If i died. Who was the last person that i communicated with? How would my loved ones react? What was the last message that i sent to you? I would die full of regrets, knowing that i had not done anything crazy and fun and memorable in my life. Regret because i wasnt able to complete my life. Regret because there was still many stuff that i still wanted to do, with you. Regret of not having enough time.

No, no. I don't want to die full of regrets.

Just a little too much.

Many times, I:

Love a little too much.
Think a little too much.
Emo a little too much.
Laugh a little too much.
Understand a little too much.
Being insecure a little too much.
Feels neglected and unimportant a little too much.
Gets angry at myself a little too much.
Feels bad a little too much.
Worry a little too much.
Care a little too much.
But it's all just me.

It just goes to show that i have a heart and i really care.

Faith.

Defined in my own special way with a quote:

True faith -> It is about exposing all your vulnerabilities and weaknesses to that one special person, and trusting that he/she will not mess with it.

Faith is related to believing in someone, which is also related to trusting someone. They are all interconnected in one way or another. But, how many of you can safely say that you have absolute faith in your friends? How many of your close ones are truly reliable? How many of them actually want the best for you, and not of you?

Because there are some people who do not deserve your faith, your trust. They do not deserve it, because they have betrayed your trust. And because of this, it is so hard to trust anyone now.

Sometimes, having faith in the wrong people will do more harm to you than you can ever imagine.

So, trust the right people. Because not everyone can be trusted.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, people aren't all what they seem.
Sometimes, those who appear to be smiley and cheerful, are actually broken inside.
Sometimes, those who look strong-willed and tough, are actually weak on the inside.
Sometimes, those who are dependable and reliable, also need someone to depend on.
Sometimes, those who are always the ones helping others, also need some help themselves.
Sometimes, those who love very deeply, want to be loved just the same.
Sometimes, those who care alot about others, also want to be cared for.

Sometimes, people just want to be understood.

Misconception.

Most girls do not believe in true love. They do not believe in forever. They do not believe in a lot of things. But the question is...why?

I don't really know why either. But all i do know, is that there are some guys or girls, who go into a relationship just for the fun of it. In other words, fooling around. I mean, i've seen some couples who are quite close, but yet the guy always flirts around with other girls. I don't understand. I mean, being in a relationship means loving your partner wholeheartedly and truly. Which also includes loving her good points as well as her flaws. True love lasts a lifetime, because of this pure and simple love.

And yet, some people say that they love a certain person, but once you turn away, he suddenly seems to say those three words to anyone else. I love you. These three words. They are simple words, yet these words hold a strong meaning and definition. It is not to be fooled around with. To say these three words out loud, isn't easy. You will need courage from the heart and basically, only if you are truly in love, then you can use it. These three words symbolises a promise to each other, that they will only love each other, and no other person can take their place in their hearts.

And because many guys cheat on their girlfriend, or vice versa, it makes everyone else very wary of such things. Which pisses me off. I mean, relationship is all about trust. Which means, we put our absolute 100% trust into our partner, vulnerable to everything and just trusting that they will not toy with their heart. And some peple break this trust. Which results in more and more people not believing in true love or forever.

Now its my turn. I strongly believe that the end result of all relationships should ultimately lead to marriage. And by going into a relationship, it means that we have to be faithful and loyal to our partner. I mean, true love always last. So by right, all relationships WILL lead to marriage, unless someone else tries to break apart the trust, or the trust among the two is somehow lost. Which is rarely impossible if it is true love.

And when in a relationship, guys must stop flirting. It will make your girl more insecure and sad and emo and stuff. Just love her wholehearted, love only her. Instead of spending your time trying to talk to other girls, why not spend it on finding more ways to love and treasure your partner instead? And we should always stay faithful to our partner. If not, you will just breaking the trust and promise that both of you have of each other. I mean, isnt it stupid to fall in love with someone else, while you are in a relationship? You love your partner. Then no one else should be able to replace him/her in your heart. If this isnt the case for you, then i suggest you dont go into a relationship and destroying the trust and hearts of everyone else. Stop destroying the meaning of true love.

What people need to understand, is that true love and forever DOES exist. All they just have to do, is to find the right person.

I am me. :)

Me.
I am original.
I am weird.
I am different.
I am not good-looking.
I am not strong.
I am not smart.
I am kind.
I am filial.
I am faithful.
I am understanding.
I am loving.
I am protective.
I am friendly.
But most importantly,

I am me. :)

Deep and dark thoughts.

Every one of us has different sides to ourselves. One is when we are with our family. One is when we are with our friends. One is when we are alone. When i am alone, i tend to think alot. And the stuff that i think about are deep, dark and dangerous.

Sometimes i wonder. What would life be like if one day, i just suddenly disappeared or died? Would life be changed? Or will it remain the same? Yeah sure. My friends would miss my presence, or maybe not. Still, after awhile, people are just going to forget that i had even existed. And yeah sure, some people will miss me. But then again, sooner or later someone will come along. Someone even better than me. Someone with better qualities than me. Someone who can make you all smile more than i ever did. Will you still remember me? Friends will find new friends. And life goes on after awhile. So. My existence has been so weak and insignificant. Life goes on. Nothing will change. It will just be like an invisible guy disappearing. No one will notice, no one will care.

Sometimes i wonder. Is it really worth it? I mean, life is so tough. Why not just give up? Standing on the roof, looking down into oblivion. All that it takes is just one step. One step. The shortcut to the groundfloor. Maybe then, we can break free. Maybe then, we are free from the clutches of life. Maybe then, we can finally be free, just like birds. And we can finally spread our hidden wings and fly. Fly to a place where there are no limits. Fly to a place where dreams can be reality instead of being just a projection of false hope. Fly among the clouds, fly in the heavens.

The dark side of our minds. Don't be too vulnerable, because that is when It will strike; when you are at your weakest.

Deja vu.

The state of mind whereby something happened, and at that exact same moment, you have a flashback of whatever that had just happened. Its just like you have seen it happening before. Its a very strange phenomenom.

Its as if time had turned back, and what we remembered happened in the past and is happening again. Except that it is just a feeling. It is very strange. Nothing can explain deja vu.

But i remembered a professor who once told me about deja vu, and its relation to parallel universes. Apparently, all of us are living in one universe, in our current time and space. But, they are millions of other universe out there, each depicting a different side to each of us. For example, if i hated chocolate is this current time and universe, the 'me' in the parallel universe will probably love it alot. Its like an infinite number of versions of us.

And this weird flash back that we experience is probably that the other 'me' from another parallel universe is doing the EXACT same thing as what we were doing previously. Which causes a memory flux, which is now called, Deja Vu.

The universe is full of mysteries. It's funny to realise how puny our lives actually are, comparatively.

Grades =/= Intelligence

Many people have the misconception that people with good grades and results are the 'smart' people. But can an individual's 'smartness' be entirely judged by our grades?

I mean, everyone wants to get good grades so that they can get a good job, high salary, recognition blablabla. The usual standard stuff ofcourse. But while trying to achieve good grades, many people, in fact most, forget the true meaning of learning. Learning is supposed to be fun, supposed to be interesting, fascinating, breath-taking. Learning is about exploring new boundaries. But now, all we care about is whether we can pass the particular topic or not.

Many people forget that learning is fun. So where has the element of fun disappeared to? And so, through this mad struggle to obtain better grades, people neglect the other aspects. Leadership, learning how to overcome obstacles, organisation skills, planning etcetc. All these are out of education syllabus. Meaning, it cannot be taught. It can only be learnt through first-hand experience.

Most people with good grades, can't even organise people together. They cant lead. They cant do many things. Thats because every day of their lives, all they have been doing to just burying their heads among mountains of books and study materials from trying to achieve good grades. Can these people really be called intelligent?

Because all i know is that, Intelligence cannot be defined just by our grades.

Memories.

20 years down the road. Where will you be? What will you be doing? Who are you going to be with? The future is an unknown. It is impossible to know what will happen. Maybe i'll be somewhere overseas studying. Or maybe i'll be at home with my family, wife snd kids. Or maybe, i'll be high up among the clouds, watching over the world. Who knows?

No one will ever know what will happen many years later. But what i do know, is that in the future, we will look back into the past, our past, which is now. We are going to recall the things we did and everything that happened. Memories. Precious memories never die. That is why, right now we should all focus on being happy, going crazy and living young, wild and free. So, dont waste your time. Spend it wisely. These precious memories will be all we have in the future.

So, be happy. Live freely. Take many photos. Because even if the people change, the photo and memories will never change.

Afterall, memories last a lifetime.

Scorpio.

Main Strengths:
1. Loyal
2. Passionate
3. Observant

Main weaknesses:
1. Jealousy
2. Excessive thinking
3. Too kind

"...Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up..."

"...Scorpios are known for their possessiveness and jealousy but on the other hand, they are extremely loyal..."

"... Scorpios have an excellent memory and combined with an inability to let things go, they can hold a grudge against someone who did them harm forever..."

"...The best advice is to be honest with a Scorpio friend and in return, you will gain an amazing friend you will never forget and who will be loyal to you and never make false promises..."

"...A Scorpio never gives up, they are so determined to reach their goal. The key to this success is their flexibility..."

"...Scorpios are very intuitive, but not as in a psychic sense, more as intuitive into the human mind, they have a great understanding of the mystery and the power of the human mind..."

"...Scorpios are very weary about trusting anyone, a person needs to gain their trust and this gets built up over time and once all the 'trust tests' have been passed..."

"...Scorpio loves deeply and intensely..."

"...Scorpios have a very penetrative mind, do not be surprised if they ask questions, they are trying to delve deeper and figure things out and survey the situation. They always want to know why, where and any other possible detail they can possibly know..."

"...The person that a Scorpio respects and holds close to them is treated with amazing kindness, loyalty and generosity..."

"...Scorpio is a profound, protective and insightful friend..."

"...Scorpios never show how hurt they might feel. They prefer to hide away and lick their wounds privately..."

"...Scorpio has accurate hunches about the future..."

"...Very few people successfully earn Scorpio's trust..."

"...Scorpio are the kind of people who will always give a 100% in everything they do and love. Sometimes even more..."

"...Scorpio fears loneliness and abandonment..."

"...Scorpio sees you for who you really are. They never judge..."

"...Scorpio is very wary about other people's motives..."

"...Scorpio will fight for what they love..."

"...Scorpio are the people who easily cheer you up when you are feeling down..."

"...Scorpios are very emotional, their emotions are intensified, both good emotions and bad. Negative emotions of jealousy and resentment are hallmarks of this turbulent astrology sign. On the other side, Scorpios are well known for their forceful and powerful drive to succeed and their amazing dedication. Scorpios are constantly trying to understand their emotions through finding a deeper purpose in life..."

Perspective II.

Life can be seen as different things. It can be a representation of a certain object or idea.

Life can be seen as a jigsaw puzzle. Every day or every moment is just like a piece of the puzzle. Ultimately, we are aiming to complete this giant puzzle, this puzzle of our lives. But ofcourse, along the way, we will meet obstacles and problems. Along the way, some of the pieces may be hard to find or some pieces just dont fit together. Don't force it. Take it slowly, because no matter which path you take, in the end it is just for the completion of our lives.

Life can be seen as a never-ending flight of stairs. Except that this flight of stairs is unique. The steps vary. We all aim to reach the top. To reach fulfilment of our lives. Every step we take is one step closer to the end goal. Ofcourse, it isn't an easy path. Some of us will tire out. Some will fall. Some of the steps are uneven and some might be very steep and high. Some of us will give up halfway. But what is important is that no matter what happens, we keep on trying, keep on moving forward. If you fall, pick yourself up. Just remember to get back on your feet.

Life can be seen as a labrinth. A maze, full of paths and traps. Some paths lead to dead-ends. Some lead you in circles. Some paths can be misleading and tough. Every time when you have gone into wrong path, just like whenever you meet obstacles in life, what is important is that you do not panic. Keep calm and think carefully. Because a calm mind is a clever mind. You can always turn around, retrace your steps and start a new path again. Even though it seems never-ending, and that escape seems impossible, don't ever give up. Even though life right now seems bleak and dark and that you can't see the light out of the tunnel, DON'T GIVE UP. Cause if you give up on yourself, no one else will be able to help you.

Ofcourse, there are still some people who are still living in their self delusion. They are still immature in the head. Kids. But can't we really blame them. Afterall, they aren't mature. They need to wake up from that warped fantasy of theirs.

Life can be seen as many things. It all depends on our perspective.

Limits.

Yeah sure, being friends is fine. But make sure you know your limits. Cause some people are unaware of themselves sometimes. Don't go too far with your actions. Because going overboard is bad. And lucky for you, i am nice. Maybe a little too nice. But even the most patient people in this world has their own limits. Don't cross the line. Watch out for your own actions. Especially when things are already made clear. Stop living in your own self delusion. Open your eyes and accept that fact.

'Cause once my limit is reached, things ain't gonna look pretty.

Perspective I.

Life is never easy. Life is complicated. Life is full of obstacles. Life can also be fun and enjoyable. It all depends on one thing. Perspective.

The journey of life isnt all a bed of roses. There are bound to be some thorns and stuff that will hurt you. It depends on whether you choose to cry and give up, or patch up your wounds and keep going forward. I mean, a smart person wouldnt pray for an easy life. He/she would pray for the strength to overcome a difficult life.

What is interesting about an easy life? It will be too boring. Thats why, sometimes life throws obstacles or problems at us, to make life difficult for us. Some people will lament on why life is difficult. Sometimes even i do that. But as i've said, it is all about perspective. If life is difficult, doesnt that mean that we can get stronger? After we overcome each obstacle, we get stronger and tougher. Ultimately, it is good for us.

So right now, if your life is tough and difficult and tiring and all, dont give up. Just remember, all these are going to shape your resolve, your heart and your soul. They are going to determine what kind of person you are going to be. So just go with the flow. If you fall, pick yourself up and carry on. If you are hurt, lick your wounds and endure the pain. If you come to a dead end, break down that dead end and create new paths for yourself.

Afterall, life is a test. The ultimate test.

Words.

Words are just something that we people speak. Or is it? No one really knows how much power there is in words.

Words can be sweet. Words can be soothing. However, words can also be horrible and evil. Have you ever wondered what words could actually do to a person? Yeah sure it can do great and nice things to people. Yet it can also do irreparable harm.

Words are powerful tools. They can make or break a person. Becareful of what you say. Because maybe to you, it sounds normal and okay. But the truth is, it is far from okay. It might have struck deep into the other person's heart. And humans tend to take in words more importantly into our hearts. The words that you say, it may cause invisible harm to others. So, just be aware of this.

Words is a double-edged sword. Becareful with how you use it.

Bad week.

This week has been terrible. My teachers say that i look tired. My head is constantly throbbing. My friends say my eyebags are super bad. I struggle to stay awake. Furthermore, my emotions are unstable. They fluctuate so much. One moment i am happy, the next moment i feel sad and emo.

But thats the weird thing. I havent really emo-ed much ever since. I have become happier and more cheerful. And less insecure and all. But this week, everything bad suddenly came flooding back. And i have no idea why. I guess its my fault. Because of tests, i was mugging till very late. Which resulted in me being so tired everyday. I should know how to manage stress and pressure better. I should not let it get the better of me. Afterall, if i let it mess with me, it will destroy me and hurt others around me.

In a nutshell, the past week has been terrible. I hope it stops here and i hope it wont ever happen again.

Life has its ups and downs. It is never smooth-sailing. But what truly matters is the way we choose to handle it.

Mirrors.

Sometimes, i take a look into the mirror. I get mixed feelings. I feel one part curious. The other part disgusted. Why disgusted, you may ask. Well, take a look at me, and you'll probably know why.

I guess its just my low self esteem kicking in again. I mean, i cant help it. I feel inferior. Like i am not good enough. Like everyone else is better than me. Maybe they are. Mirrors can tell you a whole lot of things. They show you how you look like, and how you feel about yourself. And it showed me very well. Yeah. I have no self confidence. I think very lowly of myself.

Even till now. I still think alot. Alot of 'what if's. And then once again, my inferiority kicks in. I mean. Yeah. Why am i so worthless? And ugly and dumb and stupid and think too much.

Mirrors. Always showing me this. Thanks. But then again, maybe there really is some good in my reflection. Maybe i should change myself. I mean, someone once told me:

If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. Look a little closer. Stare a little longer.

Mirrors. Sometime reflecting the wrong images. Or is it just our eyes playing tricks on us? Mirrors. Mysterious things, they are.

Mask.

Sometimes you feel sick and tired of living in this godforsaken world. A world where definitions are warped and words are knives and lives are insignificant.

Sometimes, i find it pointless to live. I'd rather die than to live my life like a soul-less human. We are all different, special and unique in our own ways. Yet people choose to be copies. No one is truly original now. No one is truly themselves. Their true selves. So many of us are just putting on that mask. That mask that conceals our true selves just to fit in. Just to fit in to this messed up world.

Being our true selves. That is most important. I mean, we were all created for a reason. It isnt mere coincidence that we are all in tbis current life. So why do people still want to hide their true selves? Maybe it is to conceal themselves in this dark world. Because they would be judged and ridiculed if they didnt. Maybe it is not by choice, but by circumstances. But still. Ohwell.

A mask of sanity. If you put it on for too long, you might lose your true identity.

Chained.

Society has us chained up. Like prisoners. Prisoners of cruelty. Prisoners of hardship. Prisoners of life.

Society controls people. It manipulates people. Or rather, it controls our thinking. Our mentality has changed so drastically from the past. I mean, now happiness don't really mean much anymore. The most important thing in everyone's life is success. Has anyone noticed this yet? Everything we do, the ultimate goal is success. We all aim to be successful.

The journey to success is full of traps. Traps and obstacles that will hurt you and try to make you fail. These obstacles are never easy to overcome. It takes alot of power to overcome just one. And there are so many more to go through. And through this mad struggle for success, people sacrifice and forsake happiness. Isn't happiness the key to success? It seems like in our current society, it is the other way round. And even so, success does not equate to happiness. Success now is about people sacrificing their happiness for it. And it is happiness that they will never experience again.

Another thing is, murder is a serious crime in our world. Yet, does murder only circle around human beings? What about animals? Animals are living beings just like us. They have emotions. They can feel pain, suffering and fear. Stop for a moment and think. The meat that you are having for lunch and dinner. How did it come about? How did the animals get slaughtered? How did they feel when humans cast their razor-sharp blades into their hearts? Did you know the methods that humans used to kill these innocent animals? Animals have feelings too. So the mindless slaughter of animals is not murder, and yet for humans, it is? What gives us the right to do this? Just because that animals cant talk or retaliate, does that mean that we can do whatever we want with them?

Yet, society covers all these up. The truth is covered up. They make us think that it is fine and normal to do stuff like these. Society changes the priority of life. Society changes our mindsets.

So how can we say that we aren't prisoners of our society?

Our origins.

There are two people whom we owe our existence to. These two people are very important people in our lives. Because, without them, we would be nothing. And by nothing, i really mean, nothing at all.

Thinking back to the past, when we were still tiny kids who think that the scariest threat is: "I tell teacher horh!". Back in those days when we knew nothing about the world. Our parents have been there for us since we were born. They have been giving their all to groom us and raise us up to become strong and healthy people. All the blood and tears and sweat that were shed for us. Ever remember the times when we were sick? My mum would stay up all night just to take care of me. She would constantly place a wet towel on my forehead, she would help clean my body, she would spend all night brewing a medicine that was able to cure my illness. She would carry me and walk to the clinic to see the doctor, and she would carry me back.

Another memory would be when i had to stay back in school until very late at night because of preparations for competition. My mum cooked some dinner, and she walked to school just to pass me dinner. And that time, my house was a full 20min walk away from school. Yet she walked all the way just to bring me food. And afterwards, she would wait in school for me until i could go home. She waited patiently for me in my school, where no one was around anf it was dark and lonely. Yet, she waited, for me.

My dad would drive me to school if he could. Usually he had to leave home earlier to go for work. Yet, he still insisted on being slightly late for work just to bring me and my brother to school. Sometimes if his work ended early, he would pick me and my brother up from school to go back home. And sometimes, he would wait for hours. And yet, he waited.

My mum had weak knees and a constant headache. Yet she sacrificed her all for me. My dad always had a busy schedule. Yet he still managed to have time for us. When we were young, i didnt think of all these. But now, looking back in the past, i realised that no matter where i was, or what i was doing, i always had the support of my parents. And i am very thankful for them. Really thankful. Because without them, i would never be who i am today. I owe my life to them :) <3

Who says true love doesn't exist?

Watch this. (A very touching video. Dancing with true heart and soul~)

Insignificant. Invisible.

I guess i can be considered as invisible. My existence isn't all that important at all. One day if i actually disappeared without a trace, i wonder how many people would actually care, or actually realise. I'm not there for a class lesson, no one even realised. I'm sitting in a row of people, and sweets are being passed around, yet it never got to me. Walks past friends and waves at them, yet they look straight through me as if they dont know me at all. If i am removed from the equation of Life, i doubt anything will be changed. People will carry on with their lives. I would just become a part of history, which will be forgotten sooner or later.

It's funny how loneliness can be felt in a room full of people. Yeah sure, if i'm gone, some people will miss me and maybe mourn. But after a little while, life goes back to normal. To my friends out there, i wonder how many will still remember me. I wonder how many people will actually miss my existence. Has my life impacted anyone greatly? Or has it just been an insignificant part of everyone's lives?

I don't really know what i am feeling right now. But i guess i don't like the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is a scary feeling. I don't ever want to be lonely. I don't ever want to be left alone, left behind. Forgotten, unwanted. I mean, who likes this kind of feeling? It sucks. A lot. Maybe recently a tinge of loneliness has been poking the sides of my soul. That suffocating feeling you get inside your chest. It hurts a lot. And i don't ever want to feel this way again.

I guess my heart is crying out: Don't leave me, don't forget me.

Trust me. Loneliness is a feeling you don't ever want to feel.

No regrets.

What is your ultimate goal in life? Some people want to be rich. Some want to be famous. Some people just want to be happy. Mine? I don't really know._. I mean. I want to be happy, but in this kind of society? Its practically impossible. Right now, i admit i am feeling quite happy now. Even if i dont have many things, i have my friends and my family and i have my relatives. I have my loved ones and i have myself. I have a great life, i have all my limbs intact...i should be really satisfied with everything already. Infact, everyone should be satisfied.

So doesnt that mean, as long as we are safe and sound and out of harm's way, and we have our loved ones beside us, we can be happy already? So, why care so much whether your job is high-paying or whether your results are good or bad? We should be happy with what we have and spend the rest of our time treasuring these things. We should just live our lives and enjoy life and just live in the moment. Live in our little bright bubble. Live as free as an uncaged bird.

I've decided. I am going to spend more quality time with my loved ones :) We will never know when our time will run out. It may be tonight, or tmr, or next week, or next month or whatever. I've come to realise that life is reaaally precious. I dont want to have any regrets in life. Laugh hard, go crazy. As long as we are happy, nothing else matters. Yes. I want to live my life to the fullest. Treasure everything i have. No regrets :)

You'll never know what you've missed out, until you've finally lost it. Treasure it well and leave no regrets behind.

Escape.

Sometimes, i just want to flee. To escape this harsh world. Escape to somewhere safe and somewhere happy. But then again, where?

This world is slowly moving to destruction. Destruction by humans. Although not all humans are bad, most of the world's problems are caused by us, humans. True, we created all these modern technology and true, our lives have somewhat improved. But. BUT. Humans were born with greed. Once we have something, we will do whatever it takes to explore deeper. We sacrifice many things in order to satisfy our never-ending greed.

We needed something to win wars, we created guns. We needed something better than guns, we created bombs. The nuclear bomb is one such creation. Some places in the world have nuclear bombs. The fate of the world could easily be shifted with these bombs, and that isnt neccesarily always good. Look at north korea. We may never know when they decide to launch their nuclear bombs. If they do, that would be the end of Earth, and probably the entire human race.

You see? We humans created these. Is it really neccesary? Wouldnt it be even better if everyone didnt have all these technology? Everyone will be happier, and their souls wont be fed to modern day technologies.

"Are we actually building? Or destroying?"

And meanwhile, on the other aspect of life, we students have to go through schooling which is actually a brain-drain for us. And through all these, we arent even happy. What is the point in life if every day is a misery?

I just want to be free. Free from the clutches of the world. Free from everything. Escape to safe place where happiness exists. Escape to a place where we are truly free and we can live life to the fullest.

Escape.

Faith.

Anything is possible. I believe many people have heard of the quote, "Nothing is impossible" :). This quote holds true. But i believe that the quote is incomplete. Nothing is impossible, as long as you have faith. Believe.

Having faith is something that requires a strong will. But once you have faith, nothing cannot be overcomed. Believe that something may happen, have faith, and it will happen. It's true! :D

Okayy i dont think i am making any sense. But i guess i just wanted to say this. Never give up, keep on believing, have faith and stay strong. Then, nothing will be impossible :)

Faith is a strong word and emotion. And it is also one of my favourite words. "Faith is a knowledge from within the heart". So my point is, just have faith. And good things will natural come to you :)

Time flies.

Time really flies. It seemed like it was only yesterday when i had my first SYF competition. And now, we are preparing to have our last SYF of our lives. SYF may be tough and all, but deep down, it is also the most fun and enjoyable period :) I feel kinda sad that this will be my final time performing. 5 years in dance society. Wow. I have really come a long way. I still remember the times when we entered the dance studio and everyone looked so foreign to us. And now, we are the senior batch of dancers already. Time really flies...

The truth is, 2-3 years back, i wouldnt have thought much about SYF. To me, that used to mean more practices and stuff. I didnt treasure it before. Now, i finally realise how much fun SYF is. I should have treasured it more. Tmr is our SYF performance, our final one. So let's do our best and rock the stage :) Let's leave behind a legacy for the future of dance society.

I guess now i finally know what this quote means: "You won't know what you've got, until you've lost it". Trye quote. Now that SYF is coming to an end, i kinda regretted not putting in more heart and effort into my previous SYF dances. Some people fail to treasure what they have right now. Until they lose it, then that is the point of no return. Too late, no space left for regrets. So what i am just trying to say is, treasure all that you have right now. If you dont treasure them, you will regret in the end.

Tmr is also our final practice with our seniors. Time flies too fast. Our last day to celebrate with them and treasure our seniors. Our seniors, the ones who have shaped our way of life in dance society. Thankyou seniors :) You will not be forgotten.

Time flies...time really flies.

Random quote :P

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ...." - Henry Ford

If nothing seems to be going right, then look left :P Just remember to never give up and just do your best :) No matter what challenges or difficulties or emotions that you are facing now, however bad they may be, always look on the bright side.

There's always sunshine beyond the rain. There's always good times beyond the pain. :) Cheer up!! If you are feeling low or sian or just feeling as if the whole world is against you. Dont give up!! Have faith :D

Life is short.

Nobody knows how long our lives will last. In fact, maybe tmr could be our expiration. (Just a random thought). I mean, life is truly short. We will never know how much time we have left. So, why waste it? We should treasure each moment of our lives. Treasure it as if it were our last :) So we should not waste time being sad or emo or angry. Smileeee. Be cheerful. You never know who might be falling in love with your smile ^^ Laugh out loud, scream it out. Enjoy life while we still can. Dont have to think too much. Because all we need to do is to live in the moment :D

Age vs maturity.

One thing i can't understand, is why adults always think that we teenagers are young and immature and not in character and not ready. For bgr i mean. Hey. Just because we are teenagers, that doesnt mean that we are not mature. I have seen adults even more immature than some of us teenagers. So what right do adults have to say that we are not to go into bgr? Maturity is not determined by age. It is determined by the way how someone acts or thinks. So just because we're young, that doesnt mean that we are immature.

I just cant stand it when adults say that we arent ready for relationships. So when are we theoretically ready? When we are old and have a 'mature' character? Nahh i beg to differ. I dont want to be like the adults, zombie-like, law-abiding 'good citizens'. So rigid in their thinking. Adults arent flexible in their mind at all. They do not know how to think out of the box. All they know is to follow the 'guidelines' set by the higher-ups.

One example would be school socks. (Random example). The adults are always stressing that we must only wear school socks. But does the colour and type of our socks affect our studies? I mean, as long as the socks are comfortable, thats all that matters right? The type of socks that we wear to school isnt important at all. Yet, the adults place so much importance on it. Isnt this a great example of how adults are just rigid in their thinking? Idk. Maybe i am just being me again, thinking too much.

But anyways back to the topic. Just because we are young, that still doesnt mean that we cant be in a bgr. Adults say we cannot commit and cannot focus on studies? Well that is a bunch of bull. Who says we cannot focus on studies? Infact i think we may even do better because the couple are both helping each other, encouraging each other, and with a drive to do well, our studies will actually improve. And who says we cant commit? What i do know is that we can commit ourselves. And adults themselves also cant really commit. Since they have work and stuff. So doesnt that contradict with whatever that they are telling us?

What i am just trying to say is that, teenagers and adults arent all that different. We are all still part of the human race. We are all still human beings. We all have one heart. So what is it that makes us so different? Age? Age is not a factor. Your own mindset is. So all those teenagers out there, dont believe everything the adults say. No one is perfect in this world. Not even adults. They make mistakes too, they make wrong perceptions.

Learn from the past. Live in the present. Anticipate the future. While we are still young and still teenagers, we should enjoy our time right now. I dont ever want to become an adult without a childhood worth remembering and mentioning. When i grow up, i dont want to tell my children that i spent my childhood studying everyday. Life is short. Embrace it, treasure it :)

Long post. Hope you dont get too bored of reading all these :P

Sophisticated mind.

The human mind. Always thinking and working, never stopping. It is these thoughts that actually keep us going. Sometimes we try to think far and prepare ourselves. But sometimes, we just overthink. By thinking too much, i mean the negative part.

I am an insecure boii. Insecurities could be my downfall. And i tend to overthink alot. Which probably links back to my low self esteem. Low self esteem sucks. Im always thinking, why is that guy so tall and handsome. Why do i have so many pimples. Why am i so pale. Why am i so short? Yeah. To me, every oher guy out there is like perfection. All other guys beside me.

I have many flaws. But then again, who doesnt? Still, i cant help but feel like better looking guys will get chosen and taller and shuai-er guys will always get the upper hand. Guys like me? Idk where we stand. Its just....i overthink too much. Yep. And i should really stahp. I should be contented with who i am, and i shouldnt be comparing myself to others. But, it aint easy.

Yeah. Insecurities. The feeling sucks :(

First post :)

Love me for me
Not for someone I'd never be
Now I know what I want, what I need

Somebody who loves to treat me right
Somebody who loves to see me smile
Didn't you know that, you gotta treat me
Right, right

Hello :) I've officially changed my blog hehe. Just a short introduction of myself, incase you don't already know who i am. I am a 17-year-old boii, who is very random and shy :) I am taken, by an amazing girl, who is beyond perfection to me :P And lastly, i am a dreamer. Yes. I dream alot. Fantasy. A place far from reality. A place where everything is possible, and that nothing can ever put us down. A safe haven.

Yeah. This world is pretty much screwed up if you ask me. I mean. Yay we have all these fancy technology and stuff. I don't deny that these have improved our lives in one way or another. But. Has anyone ever stopped to wonder about the intangible harm that has been caused? :x Lets take a look at humans. Us. Every morning, i see people rushing to work, most with their earphones plugged in. Well, they may be humans, but they act like zombies. Everyone only looking forward and taking big strides. No one stopping to take a look at the surroundings and how much it has changed. 

And the next thing. Technology. The more advanced it is, the more addictive it can be. Everyone are so engrossed in their smartphones and stuff. Have you ever wondered what would happen if suddenly one day, all forms of technology died? How would people communicate then? I bet most people will be more concerned about who to complain to. All these technology may be improving our lives. Yet the irony remains, that it is also these technology that is ruining mankind. 

Or maybe i a just thinking too much. Oh i tend to do that alot :)

Okayyy i think this is too much for a first post XD Ahwell. Ciaossu!  :3