A failure.

I am a failure. Failure in life, failure in everything. Most of you, infact all of you, dont know me and my deep and dark thoughts. Most of you dont know what goes on in my mind. Many of you will probably have the impression of me as a happy-go-lucky, cheerful and lame guy. But i guess looks can be deceiving.

Yes i am a guy. (Durh.) And theoretically speaking, guys should be more manly, more muscular, more of like what guys basically are. Well, i am somewhat the opposite. Yeah dont judge please. I know i am a weakling. Let me list it all down.

Firstly, guys are supposed to be very fit and all, stamina and strength-wise. I mean, most people would picture guys running around the track at a very fast pace with ease. But for me, my stamina sucks shit. And i'm not even lying. I can't even run two full rounds around the track. Again, please dont judge. If you want to judge, go away please T^T But yeah. I have no freaking stamina. I feel so inferior to all the other guys because i am always the last. I am such a failure.

Guys are supposedly manly and...rough i guess. Idontknow how to put it. But yeah, most guys will start looking for chiobus in other schools when given the chance. Search For Chio Bu Operation, SFCBO in short. I mean, yeah it is normal for guys to notice chio girls and all. But i guess that makes me an exception. I tend to look for guys and admire them (their dancing skills and stuff). And NO i am not freaking gay lol, i have a girl alrd :P but the point is, most guys think i'm weird. Because...i dont fit it well with them. Maybe because i am less of a guy. Idk. Maybe thats why i feel lonely even when there are people around. Maybe thats why i cant really bond well with my batch guys dancers. I mean, i just dont fit it. They are a bunch of cool dudes with high sense of humor and wit. Unlike me. I guess i am just a failure.

This happened in cca yesterday. During the all-guys dance pract. We learnt how to forward roll as basics, then we learnt how to do a dive roll (jump from a high place and land with a roll). It's like, all of us guys all start from the basics. But in the end, everyone manages to progress. Everyone except me. What makes me so different from them? I mean. I just dont get it. It made me so freaking frustrated. I personally saw my dance friends and juniors learning and improving and progressing. I was just stuck. I couldnt progress. I just couldnt. Probably because my freakishly long arms impeded my progress. But whatever, i felt lile a complete failure.

There are so many things that are seriously making me so dam frustrated. And all these things led to me feeling like a failure. Trust me, it isnt a nice feeling at all.

I hate it when sometimes, my best just isn't good enough.