In my shoes.

Disclaimer: This post contains high level of emo-ness. If you do not wish to read sad stuff, or if you do not want to read a lengthy post, then i suggest you turn around and leave. But if you truly care, and you really want to know more about me, and you won't judge me, then please continue.

Who am i kidding. I am useless. I am weak. I am emotional. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am perfectly imperfect. Who would actually care about my existence. Like, honestly. I mean, from the ways things are going on in my life right now, i would say nothing is going smoothly, nothing is going right.

Everything that i do, i think for everyone else. I care about their opinions. I'm afraid they might have a misconception. I'm afraid they will think wrongly. I tend to read people's emotions and i do my best to change myself to suit everyone else. Maybe so that i can fit in. But i guess, everything has been self delusional.

Who am i kidding. I dont fit in here. I dont belong here. I am weird. I am different. And yeah. Sometimes being the guy who keeps giving, it gets tiring. And i am tired. Tired of trying to fit in. Tired of helping people. Tired of sacrificing my all for others. Tired of acting like a hero. Tired of giving in. Tired of people. Tired of living. Tired of life. And lastly, tired of being tired. Why cant people step in my shoes? Just for once. Why cant people understand how i feel. Why cant anyone just care about how i would feel. Why cant anyone just help me. Why cant they feel me. Why. No one bothers to understand me. No one bothers to ask how i would actually feel. No one bothers to care. And yeah. I feel lonely. More than ever.

It seems like no matter how much effort i put in, and how much i've tried, my best is never enough. I give up. What the fuck do you want from me? My life right now is alrd in a bad state. Tell me. What do you want from me?! Why do you have to do this to me?! Every single one of you. Life. Tell me why. They say everyone has their flaws and strengths. I am full.of flaws. My only strengths aren't even worth mentioning, since they don't do any shit anyways.

Lies. I am so sick and tired of lies. STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME. I hate lies the most. I have had enough okay. Enough is enough. Any more, and you might as well take my life. There isnt much left of it anyways. Stop making things hard for me. Give me a break from all these bullshit.

Don't bother telling me how great i am. Because i all know is that i have always been in the shadows of others. I was never meant to surpass them. I was just a figurehead. A puppet. A puppet of life. I am completely useless. Everyone would do just fine without me. Pfft. I am not needed anymore i guess. Whats the point of me being here anyways. There is none.

Everything around me is a blur. My head hurts. So much stuff has happened. My mind can't handle all these. If anyone were to really care about me, then they would think about how i would feel before doing something. They would truly care about me, and my feelings.

Everyone is guilty of this. But i guess it doesn't matter anymore. I will never be important. I will always remain as a second choice; an option, never a priority. And, to you i am just somebody to fill in the gaps. I am just somebody unimportant. I feel so manipulated. I feel so powerless. I feel so hurt. If you have no idea what hell is like, then step in my shoes. Welcome to my life.

I just wish that people would care about how i feel and care about me and understand me.